I recently had an interesting conversation with a person working for the Baltimore city parking & fines collection agency. A little background first: I apparently ran a red light ticket back in October and for some reason, I never got any letter with the picture and all. I found out that the date this violation took place was the same day I was in an unfamiliar area trying to find an address. What really sucks is that because I had no clue that I owed money, the DMV sends me a letter stating that they have flagged my registration, which expired in January 2009. Turns out, I've got to pay 'flag' fees to the DMV and Baltimore city for this one red light ticket before I can renew my tags.
Anyway, here I am on the phone after some running around and after hours of being placed on hold (2 hours!), I talk to a woman to give her all of my confirmation numbers for my payments, and other paperwork information...So now, this is what happens next:
Woman: "Can you verify your name for me?"
Asim: "Yes, the last name is spelled S-O-O-F-I...Soofi. First name is Asim...A-S-I-M."
Woman: "Oh, okay I wasn't sure if this was really your account I was looking at. I didn't hear an accent."
Asim: (moment of silence) I'm sorry...what?
Woman: "You know, you don't speak with an accent, so I didn't think this was your name."
Asim: (Awkward silence continues)
Woman: "...it's a foreign name, you know..."
Asim: (pause, thinking) "Interesting. You do know a foreign name doesn't mean you speak with an accent?"
Woman: (Realizes my tone has changed a bit) "I'm just sayin'...I'm just being honest."
Asim: (I'm a bit perturbed and just want to get off the phone) "Is there anything else you need?"
Woman: "No that's it."
Asim: "Okay, by the way, what is your name?"
Woman: (Gives last name)
Asim: "Okay, thank you. Bye."
It was an interesting experience and I'll be honest, it did put me off a bit. I'm extremely patient and understanding with people, but it's just a little sad to hear this kind of stuff. Some people just don't realize what they are saying and you just have to try even harder to be even more patient.
Here's the funny part, I got a little more later on. I was working late last night, and hadn't eaten dinner. I was in the mood for some hot wings, so I decided to head over to my local Applebee's. I walk in, and I am met by the hostess. Just as I'm about to say that I'm heading over to the bar to sit...hostess gets in the first line.
Hostess: "Hi. Are you going to sit over there with those guys?"
She points towards a booth in a corner. I turn my head and see several guys sitting there. To my surprise (yeah right) all of them happen to be of southeast asian descent (middle eastern/pakistani/indian). I turn back to her and just told her, "No, I'm going to sit at the bar."
Just made me go 'hmmm.'
Unfortunetly, not the first time my outside appearance, my ethnicity, or my name got me into these types of situations. In fact, here's a plain old straight to the face statement made by a wedding planner just a short while back, "Asim, I'll be honest with you...The only reason they don't want to hire you is because you're not Jewish."
In this world we live in, there are many degrees of prejudices and I've learned to adapt to them. You just have to try harder to excerise your cool and think with a clear head. People come from many backgrounds and values. Sometimes, it's not their fault if their thinking is different. It's just that they haven't been taught what a diverse world we live in and how not to judge people by their appearance, background, or even their name.
I have always believed that no matter who you are or where you come from, just live by setting a good example as a human being. People will always have good and bad prejudices and that won't ever change unfortunetly. Some is just innocent ignorance and some can be intentionally cruel (yes, have stories of those too).
We can't change the world with the snap of a finger, but a good place to start is with yourself.
Of course, some could really use a little diversity training...
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
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2 comments:
Interesting..yet sad. None of this is right.
A few days ago, this trainer at the gym asked me what part of India I was from...when I told him, he asked me if I belonged to the Tamil Tigers. Wow..awkward..how was I supposed to reply? "Err.no..no..actually I'm not part of a terrorist organization..and you got the wrong country anways" ;)
Well..some of it can be chalked up to 'ignorance', not that that's a good excuse.
However.. what do you think about intra-racial prejudices..is that worse? I kinda think so sometimes, b/c it seems more intentional.
I stopped going to this Indian restaurant by work, b/c they always gave me bad service compared to the non-south asian patrons. My money is just as good as anyone else's, and service should be equal..but it wasn't. When my non-south asian coworkers went by themselves, they always got stellar service... Sigh.
And..yes..I still get upset when south asian people discriminate by defining beauty by how light someone's skin color or eye color is. How many times have you been to an Indian/Pakistani wedding, and heard people comment on how good looking the bride/groom is b/c of their 'fair skin'. I cannot comprehend what goes through their mind that they would actually verbalize such a thing, and sincerely mean it. It is so hurtful..but people buy into the mainstream Bollywood media/glam. Double sigh.
I so wish it wasn't so.
There are so many other kinds of intra-racial prejudices I've experienced, but it could get ugly, so I'll stop here ;)
You're right, it takes a lot to be adaptable in this world - but it makes you stronger w/ each incident.
These are the kinda interesting conversations I haven't had with you in a while Soofi, miss em! ;)
Im so there for you....
Well... I can tell you more stories: personal experience. In difference from you I am relatively new to US (so I think I have a tiny biny accent), but I look like Scandinavian, white American, Russian, Europian (fair skin, light color eyes and hair). And I do not look like my nationality either:), which is Uzbek. Having Uzbek mom looking like Uzbek (Indian looking, Spanish looking- darker skin, eyes and hair color), we went shopping (no suprise for girls, right? :) ), so we are in the store in the mall and my mom goes one way, I go another way. Of course you keep an eye on each other. So... I am watching this sales assoc ignoring my mom's request to open the fitting room for her. My mom called her second and third times. Unsuccessfully... Well... when it comes to family I get VERY protective! Whole this time i was only watching this scene. And I turned my head to mom and she says: "Can you please turn that bbbbb toward me, other wise she doesnt react!".
It took me a single "Excuse me" for sale assoc to respond me. She is like: "How can i help you?" smiling and coming toward me as i looking like white american ask for help "Would you please open the fitting room to the lady you just ignored?"
Sale assoc was pissed as she was walking toward my mom to open fitting room. Becasue my mom is not as white as the lady.
It is so sad to realize how people are prejudice about skin color or accents....
Another story happened to me is again in the store... in other store: I was wearing hijab as it was after Juma prayer. I stood in line to return stuff. the lady at the counter was helping customer. Well I waited patiently. Here comes other customer and stands not in line after me but by my side, and as soon as 1st customer is done the 2nd (line jumper :) dude) rushed to the lady at the counter. It started to irritate me. Well... Im being patient and waiting even it was clearly not appropriate for them to accept a customer who they saw was in line after me.
As soon as it is my turn to get to the cashier- she walks away from the counter.... Im like WTFudge!?!?
She ignored me as she didnt hear what i said. I stood their just like an air, non existing air. Calling: "Ma'am... excuse me... would you please help me?"
So, enough is enough... I started to be a bit vocal:(
Just because I was in hijab ("Oppressed, poor muslim women" as they think) she probably thought I dont know English or I will be silent. Sorry to disappoint you but Im not that kind of person. So, I called the manager and lady who just walked away instead of serving me is back at the counter.... Long story short: they DO treat you by your appairance... the way you look. It is disturbing and pittiful to see these kind of situations happening every day in our lives...
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